


5 Stages of a Keri Romance

by Rinkafic



Series: Keri 'verse [4]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, Stargate Atlantis AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-20
Updated: 2011-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-27 15:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/297281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinkafic/pseuds/Rinkafic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A glimpse of Pre Keri days when Lorne met and wooed Parrish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 Stages of a Keri Romance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [calcitrix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/calcitrix/gifts).



> Done deliberately as all dialogue.
> 
> I used the following five prompts from the Lorne/Parrish list for Lornefest on slashing_lorne :  
> -Lorne is trying desperately to ignore his crush on his botanist. Sheppard gives him some advice. (Bonus points for it being the worst, most emotionally stunted advice ever)  
> -First Date  
> -Target Practice  
> -Dealing with a Rash  
> -What’s This Button Do?

One: Attraction  
“So, you like him?”

“Yeah.”

“Ask him out.”

“I can’t, too weird, mixing work with my social life.”

“How often do you run into a keri at work, Ev?”

“Every day. I have to look at your ugly mug every day, Sheppard.”

“Other than me - because I am not available.”

“Not even a little…”

“No. Ask the botanist if you need a little…”

“It’ll be too weird. Especially if he says no. He’s on my team.”

“Tell him Team Night includes sex.”

“You have a one track mind. Why aren’t you bonded yet?”

“Because I say no when panors ask.”

“See, there, right there! What if David is like you and doesn’t want a panor? It’ll be embarrassing.”

“Leave a note on his locker.”

“Saying what?”

“Do you want a hookup? Check yes or no, leave note on locker. Sincerely, Your Secret Admirer.”

“You suck at this. Why am I talking to you?”

“Because I’m your best friend. And you’re too chickenshit to talk to anyone else about your lack of a social life.”

*Thumps head on table, barely missing applesauce*

“Oh, look who just came in. Hey Parrish, c’mere!”

“I hate you.”

“It’s for your own good, buddy.”

 

Two: Pursuit  
“You do eat plants, right?” Evan held the restaurant door for David.

David looked back over his shoulder, giving Evan an uncertain look, trying to figure out if he was serious. “Yes, Evan, I eat plants.”

“Oh, good, I was worried you were some of kook.” He groaned, that had been a really stupid thing to say.

“I am, but not over that. We do have to eat. I’m partial to tomatoes.” Evan breathed a sigh of relief; glad he had chosen an Italian bistro, short lived as Parrish added, “I haven’t found any place that makes a marinara as good as my mother’s though.”

Over appetizers, David leaned in and confessed, “I’m nervous, being out with you. I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing.”

Evan chuckled and nodded in agreement. “So am I.”

“I’m glad your friend talked us into doing this. He seems nice.”

“It’s an act. He’s actually a real jerk.”

“Really?”

“Not really... sometimes. Do you like SGO so far?”

“I love the alien plants, and going offworld. Thank you for that, for letting me onto your team. I’m really intrigued about where we’ll be going next.”

Evan smiled and sipped his wine. “So am I.”

 

Three: Frustration  
“I don’t want to touch that!” David protested, holding his hands up in a warding motion as he backed away.

“Come on, it won’t hurt you. I touch it every day, nothing bad has ever happened to me.” Evan smiled in encouragement.

David shook his head stubbornly, eyeing Evan with a combination of horror and terror. “You can’t make me. THAT was not in any of the contracts I signed.”

“I’m your team leader; you have to do what I say.” Evan looked down and sighed. “Come on, David, I want you to. Holding one is scary for everyone, the first time. It gets easier.”

“Don’t you pull the team leader bullshit on me now. We’re off duty and I don’t have to follow your orders.” David had his hands wedged tightly under his armpits, as if he was afraid Evan would force his hands where he wanted them.

“I’m going to move around behind you. I’ll hold your hand and guide you through it. Don’t be afraid.”

“I hate guns, Evan!”

“I know. But you need to be able to do this when we’re out in the field. I promise you won’t have to unless it is an emergency.”

 

Four: Nurturing  
“Stop scratching,” David called from the other room. How did he know? Did he have super hearing that Evan wasn’t aware of?

“I’m not.”

“You were.” David appeared in the doorway, a mortar and pestle in his hands. Really? He kept lab stuff at home?

“It itches!” Evan whined and shifted in his chair, trying to rub his back and ass.

David snorted. “Of course it does, you’re having a reaction to the plant oil.”

“You fell in those bushes too, why aren’t you itchy?” Evan gave up rubbing and bent his arm back over his shoulder and down the collar of his t-shirt, scratching.

“I’m not allergic. Stop that! I’m almost done here.” David gave the goop in the bowl another few smashes and pointed to the sofa. “Lie down and take your shirt off.”

“Pushy for a keri, aren’t you?”

“This isn’t about sex, this is your health. Move it, Lorne.”

He stripped the shirt off and flopped on the sofa. David’s fingers started smoothing over his back, everywhere he touched was soothed. Soon Evan sagged with relief against the cushions.

“No more sex in the bushes, panor,” David chuckled.

“Right. Unless we know they aren’t itchy bushes.”

 

Five: Entanglement  
“What did you do?” David demanded from the other side of the glass.

Lorne felt along the wall for a seam. “I don’t know! I just pressed the button.”

“Why did you press it?” David smacked his hand against the glass.

“It wanted to be pressed.” Evan looked up at the ceiling for a way out.

David stared at him. “That is the stupidest thing I’ve heard all day.”

“Really. Evan pressed his palms to the glass and pushed. “It was like a whispering in my head, it wanted me to touch it. So I did.”

“I’m in love with a crazy person.” David rolled his eyes. “How long have you been hearing voices?”

“Since we got here, don’t look at me like that, I am not crazy!”

“No, but you are sealed in an alien specimen container.”

Evan sat against the back of the chamber and braced his feet on the glass in front of him. He kicked out as hard as he could. Then he kicked at the wall to release some of his frustration.

“You gotta find the release soon David.”

David ran over, looking worried. “Why, is the air getting thin?”

“No. I have to pee.”


End file.
